As a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA), one of my favorite tools to empower families is helping them build effective routines. Why? Because routines are like the foundation of a sturdy house—they create structure, promote predictability, and foster independence. But let’s be real—building and maintaining routines can sometimes feel like trying to tame a wild tornado, especially if your child is resistant to change. Fear not! This post will give you practical strategies to create rock-solid routines while avoiding those exhausting power struggles.

Why Are Routines So Important?

Routines help children understand what to expect, reducing anxiety and meltdowns. For example, knowing that bedtime always starts with brushing teeth, reading a book, and then lights out creates a calming rhythm. Beyond that, routines teach life skills and independence—from getting dressed to packing a lunch. Plus, when routines run smoothly, parents feel more in control and can focus on connection rather than chaos.

But let’s not sugarcoat it—introducing routines can come with its challenges. Maybe your child resists brushing their teeth or insists on playing five more minutes of their favorite game. That’s okay! Resistance is a natural part of the process, and with the right strategies, you can move past it.

Step 1: Start Simple and Build Gradually

You don’t need to overhaul your entire day in one go. Pick one routine to start with—perhaps the morning routine or bedtime—and focus on making it consistent. For example:

  • Morning Routine: Wake up ➔ Use the bathroom ➔ Brush teeth ➔ Get dressed ➔ Breakfast.

Keep it short, straightforward, and manageable. Once your child has mastered one routine, add another.

Step 2: Use Visual Supports

Visual schedules are a game-changer. These can include pictures, written steps, or both, depending on your child’s age and abilities. Visuals provide a concrete roadmap and reduce the need for verbal reminders (which can sometimes feel like nagging).

Here’s how to create one:

  1. Break the routine into small, clear steps.
  2. Use pictures or symbols for each step (there are apps and printables available online).
  3. Place the schedule where it’s easily visible—like the bathroom mirror or your child’s bedroom wall.

Step 3: Offer Choices

Giving your child a sense of control can work wonders. For instance, instead of saying, “It’s time to brush your teeth,” try, “Would you like to use the red toothbrush or the blue one?” Choices encourage cooperation and reduce the likelihood of power struggles.

Step 4: Reinforce Positive Behavior

Catch your child being successful in their routine and celebrate! Positive reinforcement can be as simple as saying, “Great job brushing your teeth without being reminded!” or offering a high-five. For bigger accomplishments, consider using a reward chart where your child earns small rewards for completing their routine.

Step 5: Stay Calm During Resistance

If your child digs in their heels, avoid engaging in a battle. Instead:

  • Acknowledge their feelings: “I see you don’t want to brush your teeth right now. That’s okay, but it’s an important part of getting ready for bed.”
  • Give clear expectations: “First, we brush teeth, then you can pick a bedtime story.”
  • Stay consistent: Follow through calmly and patiently. Consistency is key to helping routines stick.

Step 6: Adjust and Adapt

No routine is one-size-fits-all, and that’s okay! Be flexible and adjust routines to fit your family’s needs. For example, if mornings are rushed, consider preparing things the night before, like laying out clothes or packing lunches.

A Word of Encouragement

Building routines takes time, patience, and persistence. Some days will feel like you’ve nailed it, while others might leave you feeling defeated. Remember, progress—not perfection—is the goal. Celebrate the small wins, and don’t hesitate to ask for support if you’re struggling.

You’ve got this, and your efforts to create predictable, nurturing routines will pay off. Not only will you be building your child’s independence, but you’ll also strengthen your relationship and make daily life smoother for everyone.

Takeaways

  1. Start small and build routines gradually for success.
  2. Use visual supports to create clarity and reduce reminders.
  3. Offer choices to encourage cooperation and avoid power struggles.
  4. Reinforce positive behavior with praise and rewards to motivate your child.
  5. Stay calm and consistent during resistance to help routines stick.
  6. Be flexible and adapt routines to fit your family’s unique needs.

Here’s to rock-solid routines and fewer power struggles—you’re doing amazing work!

autismbehaviorbehavior analysisindependenceParentingroutines
By ABA therapy, Behavior Management, Parenting