My child throws a tantrum so much during the day, I’m just not sure what to do.
Tantrums are hard. They’re even harder when it’s with your own child.
I get it. It’s frustrating, overwhelming, and sometimes… Just plain annoying.
But there are several approaches to take when a tantrum arises.
Determine the Why
Here come those functions!
It’s easy to get frustrated and want to reprimand your child when they are acting out. Consider this though… Everyone has wants and needs and sometimes, we know exactly how to get them.
Recalling the functions of behaivor, it’s important to understand why the tantrum is happening.
Once you determine why, let’s plan for next steps:
- Find a suitable alternative your child can do to effectively communicate their want or need.
- Guide them through how to communicate.
- Once they engage in the alternative and appropriate behavior, remember to reinforce that.
- And most important of all… be patient. Emotions are hard and kids can struggle to appropriately navigate them.
Some Methods to Use
Prompting:
- If your child is struggling to complete a task, try assisting them.
- Sometimes children need some guidance on when to ask for help, give them that. You can even say things like, “Do you need some help?”
- Try doing the first step of something, such as cleaning up toys. This will prompt the reaction to also pick up the toys and gain motivation to complete the demand.
Waiting:
If you feel yourself asking, “Why am I even talking?” it might be time to wait it out.
- Go on about whatever you were doing before the behavior occurred, or move on to your next task.
- You can even sit by your child to ensure their safety, but the key is you don’t really say anything until they have maintained a calm body or are talking to you calmly.
- Allow them to come to you. This is key because if you approach them too quickly, the behavior could start up again. Just let them seek you out before taking any further action.
Make the task easier:
- If cleaning up the entire room seems to be too much, try picking most items up yourself (except one or two things) and then tell them to clean up again.
- Sometimes the original ask is just too much, and if it really needs to be done, try making it smaller.
- Work through the assignment with them to help them get going.
The bottom line is… there is no perfect way to handle a tantrum. It’s important to remember that children have their own emotions that they express in a variety of ways.
The main concern when a tantrum begins should be… Why is this happening?
Once that is determined, find a way to help your child functionally communicate.
If it seems like you’re just talking to yourself, it may be time to wait it out. Remember, ignore the behavior, NOT the child.
Take a deep breath… You got this!